Being upset about the past, wait what?!

There is something I will never understand. It is something I just can't wrap my head around. That thing is giving an abusive person a main role in our lives, one that adds absolutely no value. Let me explain a little bit more. 

I have two sons, with two different men as their fathers. Their childhoods were as nice as possible, but they lacked the role of a daddy in their lives. That's the nicest way I can put it. Of course, my children are older now, they're 31 and 20. 

I was just watching a show where a father had to live with his son later in life. Years and years before, that father had left the mother… and the mom was still upset about it. After 35 plus years, the mom was still upset that this man didn't play the role of dad in their son’s life! So, I was sitting there, looking at this actor (a woman around 60 - 65 years old), and thinking to myself: 

“Why the hell is she still pissed today about something that happened 30 some odd years ago?!… What is so wrong with her that is making her give that man so much power in her life? And why does she allow him to irk her nerves like that?!” (Yes, I said irk her nerves.)

Let me tell y'all something. My mother would say that “a person can only hurt you if you allow them to hurt you.” And when she said it, I had no idea what she was talking about, because, of course, she said it to me when I was young. 

But, here's how I see it. People always say that “life is a stage”. Well, let's think about that for a while, let's unpack that metaphor. If life is a stage, then that means that we can write bigger or smaller roles for the people in our lives, or we can write them out of our play altogether. We can allow them to have cameos, and we can allow them to have as much stage time in our lives as we want. 

If the presence of a certain person, either physically or mentally, (or even just the mention of their name) gets you up in arms, then let me tell you something. It is something that will ease your suffering. Let it go. Though I know this is easier said than done, I want you to practice it. An important thing to note here is that if someone has done something to you in the past, I'm not saying to just forget it. What I am saying is to forgive, and then move on. Forgive them and move on with your life. By doing this you will stop allowing them to occupy space in your mind. You will regain control of your thoughts, your actions and your behavior. So, stop holding on to it, because you’re really just allowing that person to rule your life from a distance.

Are you a drone? Are you a remote control car? Are you Alexa?! Because if you aren't any of those robotically controlled inanimate objects then you can independently move on. And if you are one of them… then write them out of your source code, so that you can enjoy your life for you. Because, at the end of the day, the only person that is responsible for your happiness, for your ability to grow in life, for your positivity and optimism… is you. Allowing the dead weight of people who added no value to your life, or your children’s life, to continue to burden you will only piss you off. That's your fault, not theirs. Yeah, I said it. That's your fault. So, I'm going to ask you for a favor, from one sister to another - stop giving people who have harmed you a part in your life. Whether it’s your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your friend, a colleague, the baby daddy, the baby mama… whoever! Do not give them the pleasure of being in your life, physically or mentally. They will only disrupt the beautiful life that you are in total control of creating. I want you to do me that favor. I want you to release yourself. I want you to forgive yourself. But, more importantly I want you to learn from it, grow from it, and never let it happen again. Period. So, with that being said, we're not going to give anyone that has harmed us in any way our mental energy or allow them to be in our physical presence. We're going to forgive them for it. But, after that we’re going to move on. Because if you have an anchor that's weighing you down then it's either going to pull you under the surface and kill you, or it's going to keep you stagnant in life. And guess what? You've given them control again. I know that's not what you want. So, my sisters - go out and forgive them. Move on. Write them out of the script of your life and fuel your happiness. That's all I got for you today. Until next time. 

Be Happy. Be Healthy! Be Well! Now go create your happiness!  

Ciao!

Nyanza Lynn Riley